Do you live in a stereotypical American neighbourhood with white picket fences? Are lands divided by spears that could puncture their way through a whole dog if they were sharpened to lethal points? Do they shine in the sun, blinding drivers and causing awful traffic accidents in your quiet, sterile neighbourhood?
If you answered yes, you may actually be sporting a form of racism. How terrible of you!
Quickly! With my help, we will rectify this situation! No longer will you realise the shame you are unwittingly sporting by keeping a plain white picket fence. No longer will mowing the grass remind you of what a despicable piece of human waste you are. No longer will neighbours avoid your eye, equally ashamed of themselves as they are of you. Not with this excellent new business. We can squash those allegations!
Not only that, but you are clearly unsupportive of any movement ever. Gay pride? It is clearly laughable to you, seeing as your fence is simply an even shade of white. People whisper behind your white-picket-fence-sporting back – you’re homophobic as well as racist! Good lord, you are clearly the worst type of human, having a white fence.
So! -what is the solution? Simple: purchase a picket fence you can be proud of, and that shows your pride. You will not just have a simple white, un-intruding fence. No. Now you will have a fence painted white, black, yellow, some sort of brown, olive, to symbolise your love towards all races, with colours that could actually be perceived as more racist than your previous plain white before. In fact, take white off your fence completely. No one should know you are proud to be Caucasian or proud of the Caucasian race!
Not only will you be showing that you support all races, but your new fence will also sport the colours of every single pride flag humans could possibly come up with. You’ll have red-orange-yellow-green-blue-indigo-violet slats, you’ll have blue-pink-white-pink-blue slats, you’ll have pink-yellow-blue slats, you’ll have black-grey-white-purple slats, and many more! Now every sensitive soul who comes upon your house will know you support all orientations! Because your fence needs to really expose your own personal grievances. It really has to stand out – to punch uncaring passers-by in the face. You will tell them with every slat that you are part of the solution.
You will, of course, be expected to do the same with genders. Every gender-defining flag will, of course, be provided in your new fence package. From the lilac-white-pesto shades of the Gender Neutral flag to the grey-lighter grey-pink-white-pink-lighter grey-grey flag of Demigirl, all the genders will now be taking up residence in your front garden, so even the people who have no idea will be made aware that you are better than them, for your are sporting every flag known to man. Of course, no cis-gendered flags will be included in your package – we don’t want people thinking you’re bigoted, do we?
All this can be yours for a simple and small payment of $499.95 (that’s £404.42). It’s not a lot – not when you factor in the careful painting of each slat, the careful installation and the lifetime guarantee that all people will always feel welcome at all times around your welcoming and non-biased house.
(Of course to fit all the colours of all the slats in, you will be needing a garden that spans at least 2 acres in total, otherwise you will have to cut out some flags and therefore show yourself up as the bigoted mess you really are.)
With one simple click, your world, outlook, and neighbourly intentions could be changed.
To visit the website and order your own all-inclusive-all-loving picket fence, simply click here!